Dear Mom,

In modern-mom fashion, there’s so much controversy around the phrase “it takes a village”. A lot of us don’t have family or friends nearby and there’s much more expectation for moms to return to the workforce postpartum, even though quality childcare continues to be out of reach for many.

I spent my first pregnancy and first year of my now toddlers life “without” a village. Now before I offend anyone with that – an honorable mention for long distance village is definitely coming. But our parents and my sister weren’t local, and nearly all of my friends went our separate ways across the country over the years; Jon and I worked all day and were tired at night in a small town. Don’t get me wrong, we were absolutely in the right place for that time in our lives, and we made a huge point to get out frequently and go on walks or visit neighboring towns and overall were enjoying our lives with our first little baby. Of course Jon is my absolute rock and I don’t even consider him a part of the village because he is truly a part of me and our little nuclear family unit that the village is meant to surround.

But what a difference it made when we moved to a new town and I was able to find my village; local moms that became fast friends and a level of support that turns in on itself to thrive. It has been nearly 13 years (yes, the college days) since I made friends that I would want to call over to just sit on the couch with me or cry to because I just don’t know if I am doing anything right and it’s scary. Get a mom tribe who does things like:

• Tell you that mom guilt is a bitch and give you the bear hug you didn’t know you needed
• Give the shirt off their backs (or more literally the clothes from their diaper bags…or sunscreens, or hats, or diapers, or snacks, or…)
• Make you feel at home in their home and vice versa
• Come over at the drop of a hat to help with any craft or project or party decoration even if that just means our kids pop balloons and unroll all the crepe paper
• Always available day or night to answer any and all baby, mom, postpartum, “is this normal” question without hesitation or fear of being TMI
• Sit on your couch in sweats and watch your favorite movie even though you’ve both seen it a million times
• …or let you talk through the entire movie even though they haven’t seen it because it’s been your first “adult only” night in MONTHS 😅
• Send recipes without you asking because they know you’re struggling with the mental block of what to eat for dinner every night for eternity
• Watch out for your babies like they do for their own whether we’ve gone out or have stayed home
• Remember things about you and your babies even in the littlest ways to remind you that they care
• Keep you sane (or as crazy as they are)

If any of that sounds like you and you’re reading this – trust me, it is, and thank you.

Now here’s that honorable mention I was talking about….

Here’s to mine and Jon’s moms who never forget to send a card, or check in because they remembered we had an appointment. MWho always make themselves available if and when we might need them, no matter the distance. Their door is always open and their homes kid friendly, even though they offer to come to us because they know traveling with babies can be hard. They always make sure I can have a hot, quiet meal or a solo shower if I need it. And Jon’s dad who always is ready to prepare said hot meal!

Here’s to my sister who FaceTimes us almost every day to see what the girls are doing and tell them good morning and whenever my phone rings they ask if it’s their BB. She never misses a chance to see them and their pictures hang in her home. She knows their little personalities like the back of her hand.

Here’s to two of my oldest friends who never hesitate to make my babies feel like the most important people in the room. My college rooms mate turned chosen-sister who has gotten on a flight to meet each newborn and get down on the floor and play with my babies with the most thoughtful (and well researched) gifts. And the other who was my first friend to become a mom and is a total rock, I remember us talking about wanting to become mommies together since we were 14 years old. They always hold my babies, but also hold me too.